If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
