I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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