He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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