i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
