You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
