Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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