dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
