i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
