Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
