We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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