I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
