oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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