Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
