A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
