and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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