But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
