y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
