she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
