if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think my vagina is haunted
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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