She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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