But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
