i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
