What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My bed smells like the plague
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
