I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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