just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
