I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
