Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
