According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
