When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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