Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
