Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
