every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
