so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
