So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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