Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
