My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
