I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
