Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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