i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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