what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
