I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
