I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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