i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
