My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
