Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
