Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
