he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
