I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
