There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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