farters have to be the big spoon...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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