Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
