And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
