worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the day after is always just damage control
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
