Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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