Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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