It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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