today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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