the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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