Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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