some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
