just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
smell my finger.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
