i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
