we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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