So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
