I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
