I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
