If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
