I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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