My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
