I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
should my penis look like a turkey
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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