...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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