First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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