I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
