i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
