just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
